mrpink essays

Your Startup Is Not a Family—And That’s Okay

It’s not cruelty, it’s clarity: when the future of your startup is at stake, you don’t need a cousin—you need someone who can act like a Navy SEAL.

Launching a startup is a titanic task. It means competing against established companies that already have experience, consolidated processes, access to capital, and a recognized brand. Against that, you start with very little: an idea, a handful of committed people, and an obstinate belief that something new—and better—can emerge from zero.

In that scenario, every resource is scarce and precious. And none is more critical than the team. A startup doesn’t scale with capital or technology alone: it needs the right people. People with talent, mutual trust, and the ability to execute under pressure. In this sense, culture is not a “soft skill” or a nice phrase hanging on the wall. It is the only real competitive advantage you can build from day one.

The myth of the startup as a family

There is a romantic idea, repeated endlessly, that startups are like families. The image is appealing: a tight-knit group, resilient, taking care of each other unconditionally. But that analogy is dangerous, because families expect unconditional loyalty. And in a startup, that kind of misplaced loyalty can be the beginning of disaster.

A family loves you even if you don’t do your job well. It tolerates you even if you drag the group down. But a startup cannot afford that luxury. It is racing against time, against the market, against its own survival rate. This is not about stopping caring for people. It is about caring with honesty. And understanding that caring does not always mean keeping.

Firing is also caring

In an environment as challenging as a startup, firing should not be seen as betrayal or moral failure. Firing at the right time, with clarity and respect, is often a sign of mature leadership. It’s a way of protecting the culture, of supporting those who are committed and performing well, and of being fair to the shared mission.

Sometimes we fire because we hired poorly. Because that person didn’t share the vision, or didn’t fit with the values we were building. Other times, the reason is sustained low performance. And though it hurts, without excellence you cannot win. Whether due to lack of fit or lack of results, our job as leaders is to have the courage to act. Because if we don’t, we not only risk the company: we betray the trust of those who gave everything for this dream.

When someone shows commitment but struggles to perform, it’s reasonable to support them for a time—giving context, tools, guidance. But that time must be short. A quarter, maybe two. In the rhythm of a startup, half a year is an eternity. What doesn’t improve quickly, rarely improves later.

More complex—and more dangerous—are those who perform well in numbers but undermine the culture. People who operate from ego, compete internally, or don’t truly believe in what they’re helping to build. They’re hard to let go, because they “deliver.” But the damage they cause, though invisible at first, is deep and cumulative. By the time you notice, it’s too late.

Navy SEALs don’t choose by affection

If you had to go into a high-risk operation, like Navy SEALs do, who would you choose to be at your side? The friendly buddy who’s no longer in shape? The one who once shined but no longer has it? Or the best?

In critical moments, the only sensible answer is to surround yourself with those who are ready. Prepared physically, emotionally, and mentally to respond under pressure. A startup—especially in its first years—is a mission-critical operation. You don’t need a family. You need an elite team.

That’s not coldness or cynicism. On the contrary: it’s an act of honesty. And of respect for the complexity of the problem you set out to solve.

Leadership is not about being liked

Leadership is not about being popular. It’s not about avoiding conflict or postponing the uncomfortable.

Leadership is making decisions with clarity, even when they unsettle. It’s looking the team in the eye and saying: “this isn’t working, and we need to change it.” It’s taking on the bitter sip for the sake of the long term. It’s defending the mission, even when it hurts.

The promise of a startup—that improbable dream a group of people decided to pursue—deserves a real chance of becoming reality. And that chance is not built with slogans or good intentions, but with decisions.

Firing, many times, is not letting go of one person. It is holding the entire team together.